Wait, Aren’t Therapists Supposed to be Nurturing?
Of course this statement is directed toward me...as many of you know...I don’t tend to “sugar-coat” my comments or ideas. Nor do allow patterns to slip by without public recognition...well, I call it recognition...the girls refer to it as “Calling them Out”. Why wouldn’t they try to make it sound as humiliating as possible, I hate the guilt-trip game. Anyway, back to the original comment. I look across the room and right before I begin to laugh, I make eye contact with her...and she is 100% serious...I analyze her for a second (Because that’s what I do!!!) and strategically formulate my response. “I think you may be confused as to what nurturing actually means. Look it up in a dictionary and we’ll talk about it next week.”
As I say this out loud I wonder...what does it actually mean? Rule #1: Don’t start unless you’ve got something...(hands down my favorite quote from 30 Rock) Good thing I’m quick on my feet, but the quickness comes at a price...
So what is nurturing? I think Cesar Millan describes it best as being Calm & Assertive. There is also the huge factor in why the person is actually choosing to be “nurturing”. I’m skeptical by nature...thanks mom :) But I’m pretty sure I can tell the difference between genuineness and selfishness. I think that selfishness is when the person is doing it to look good, or to ‘fix’ a problem, or trying to take pain away...and I always ask, is that really nurturing? Well lets see...If I nurture because I am in need of nurturing... seems a little twisted right...I’m pretty sure I’m being selfish, not nurturing.
Now here’s the question I’ve had ever since I read C.S. Lewis’s book ‘Mere Christianity’...Why we all try so hard to take pain away from everyone around us? Do we all assume that every person is so fragile that there is no other option than to to swoop in and relieve others of all the pain that they (most likely) inflicted upon themselves? I am also slightly narcissistic...thanks dad :) And I am about 99% sure that I am capable of dealing with the consequences of my choices; I don’t need anyone taking the blame or the credit for my marvelous ideas.
Basically, I’m currently at the thought that nurturing is only genuine if the interaction does not require the “nurturing” person to assume any of the responsibility. The interaction that we call nurturing is not done so that things Will change...because that’s a ridiculous thought...why would we try to change anyone besides ourselves? It will never work! And I sure won’t be changing because anyone told me to...sorry Ben :)
Although I’m sure the majority of us out there picture nurturing to be similar to a mother hen sheltering her chicks from a horrific storm...I challenge this picture. I wonder...how long can the chicks could actually stay under mother’s wing? And if they were to stay forever would they remain that small and helpless? Or would they grow to normal size and never realize how silly they looked under mother’s wing as a fully grown chicken?
As I have brainstormed this topic I have come to the conclusion that Nurturing means having the other person’s best interest in mind while you are supporting them...it doesn’t have to look one way, because some may be soft in their nurturing and some may be a little harder, but the intention is always the same.
1 comment:
After I read this blog post I went to go get ready for visiting teaching and found it very fitting that this month's message is about nurturing the rising generation. I like your analogy about the hen with her wings over the chicks. We definitely can't raise successful children that way. Anyway, I'm glad you're blogging-it's fun to keep up.
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